I don’t know about you, but I’m so good about creating a bunch of rules, following them for a few days, breaking them and then feeling crappy.  I think this is how most diets go, no?  Or any kind of resolution?

I am so very determined to approach this whole thing differently this time.

I have to admit my ulterior motives.  I’m letting myself draw daily because I secretly want to have it make me more productive in other ways.  I guess this would be the same as someone saying daily affirmations, but what they really want is for that to help them lose weight.

So today, I drew.  I had my grass time.  I even cleaned under the sink, dusted and attended to my paper piles (which are pretty much non-existent because I deal with them every day- yay!)  And I made a cake.  Vegan.  From scratch.  (I am not a vegan, not even a vegetarian, but I was curious so gave it a shot.  Not bad!)  So my inner critic should be happily checking off the list, giving me gold stars, waving her pompoms around – something!

Instead, I’m thinking about how an unscheduled day where I had grand plans to work on some bigger projects (those ones I keep avoiding) slipped away.  I did take some turtle steps and I may do a little more later, but still – I can feel my body reacting with tension from my mind’s thoughts about how I didn’t do enough.

And that’s what’s made this type of challenge unsustainable for me in the past.  Doesn’t matter what I do, my mind gets disappointed, pointing out all the other stuff that didn’t get done.

So I’m just listening to my body.  Feeling it protest  –  agreeing with it. “Yes, this tight jaw is going to make this thing unsustainable… I understand…let’s go lay down and just breathe and relax for five minutes. I know – just ignore the mind – five minutes isn’t going to make or break anything.  Body, you get to call the shots. I’m listening more this time.”

It would so help if today’s drawing remotely resembled the original photo.

Photo:

Drawing:

Don’t judge – believe me – I have already noted every single thing that isn’t working!  I’m not trying to make a living as an artist – I’m just trying to let myself play, and drawing and coloring and playing around with trying to match the colors was fun, even if the outcome wasn’t so fabulous.

Here’s the very best part that I’ve saved for last.  These little guys keep showing up to remind me to SLOW DOWN!!  Take a breath for goodness sake!  I saw a dozen of them in about a two foot area during post-rain grass time today!

So no, today was not a disaster.  I have homemade vegan cake for goodness sake!  And tofu cream to put on top (frosting alternative- jury’s still out).  And I am breathing.  And I am grateful and lucky!