30 Day Challenge: Day 9 – rewards?

17 Tuesday Jul 2012

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I’m typing this entry from my favorite coffee shop in New Orleans – Rue de la Course. I have all kinds of computer work to do, and so I’ve rewarded myself for sticking with this challenge by coming here to work – in fact I’m considering doing a tour of New Orleans coffee shops with wireless in the upcoming weeks – it really helps me keep focused when it’s just me, a computer, a table,  a glass of iced tea and a giant slice of almond buttercream cake! Yay!

So, here’s what’s going on with my whimsical cardinals.  Tomorrow I’ll do some tweaking of things I’m not quite happy with and then start on something new.  More birds?  Cats?  Abstracts?  Not sure.  But something with color.  I like using all the colors in the box!

And here’s my view during grass time today.  It’s impossible not to feel relaxed with this view!

So, how are you rewarding yourself?  I know that just completing the challenge each day is a reward, but how else are you treating yourself and taking care of yourself or doing something fun?

30 Day Challenge Day 8 – Black and White or Shades of Grey?

16 Monday Jul 2012

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Say you skip a day accidentally or on purpose with something you’ve been meaning to stick to – a diet, an exercise plan, a 30 Day Challenge…

What does your mind do?  Does it immediately go into Chicken Little “OH MY GOD!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!!!” mode?  Does it tell you you’re a failure?  Does it tell you to go back to square one – to start over – that anything you did up to this point, no matter how many days in a row, DOES NOT COUNT because you missed a day?

That, my friends, is called black and white thinking.  And according to Martha Beck in The Four Day Win, it’s one of the hallmarks of people who have trouble losing weight (or organizing their lives, managing their time, and taming their paper piles!)  It is however, curable, thank goodness.  It’s all about recognizing those thoughts.  You just have to watch your cute little Chicken Little mind and tell it to calm down.  You’ve got this.  One slice of pie or missed yoga class or unattended junk mail stack is not going to bring you down.  You will keep going.  You will be fine.   You will teach your mind to see shades of grey.  All is definitely not lost.

So far I haven’t missed a day.  I enjoyed grass time this morning with two cats.  I went through a stack of old photos (we used to get double prints back in the age of film, and that makes for a lot of pictures that really don’t need to be saved), and I worked on my whimsical cardinal drawing.

Turns out that’s where my thoughts needed looking at! Here’s a selection:

“This isn’t going to turn out very well.” “You don’t know what you’re doing.” “Oh NO!  You’re going to wreck it!”  “Real artists would have a plan for this instead of just winging it.”  “Are you going to POST that for people to see?  What will they THINK???” “Why didn’t you just leave it?”  “OMG.”

Oh yes – another hallmark of people who struggle with weight loss, or getting things done, or managing their time, or letting themselves try creative writing or painting, is being critical.  Especially self-critical.  It can really stop you in your tracks.

So I just listened politely to my Chicken Little brain and said, “Thanks so much for your input.  We have to let ourselves mess up.  We have to try things.  It’s ok to play.  I don’t have plans for a gallery show at the Louvre.  There’s no such thing as messing this up – we really don’t need to be attached to those cardinals!  We can draw more if we feel like it!  Relax and enjoy!  This is fun!  I’m curious to see how it will all turn out! This isn’t a final piece – it is just for us – it’s in a sketchbook for goodness sake!  We are playing!  La la la!  Breathe!”

Yes – there’s all kinds of black and white thinking to watch for.  If your brain says anything with the word always or never – or even with a version of the verb “to be” – as in “I’m disorganized”, “I’m not a good artist”, “I’m too heavy”  — it sounds permanent and it’s a sign of black and white thinking or assuming that things that are one way will always be that way- assuming fixed conditions.  What if we replaced those thoughts with, “My desk contains some extra papers.” “I learn a lot when I play with art supplies.” or “Right now my body has some extra weight.” These don’t sound as permanent or like they’re part of our being – they’re just circumstances and they are subject to change. They’re not fixed conditions. They offer us many shades of grey to play with.

Here’s what’s happening with my whimsical cardinals (I spent a lot of the 30 minutes today staring and thinking, and stalling – see above)
And here’s a view of the sky from my grass time spot:

What kinds of black and white thinking or fixed condition thinking do you find yourself needing to watch for?

P.S.  During the past 6 days of this challenge, I also read all three 50 Shades of Grey books.  I will admit that I was entertained.  And I had no idea the story was ultimately so sweet.  I was prepared for something more 9 1/2 weeks and it was more like Harlequin Romance with a little steamy and kinky thrown in.  And this blog post title is totally a gratuitous reference to the Shades of Grey phenomenon – no doubt! 😉

30 Day Challenge Day 7: Have to or choose to?

15 Sunday Jul 2012

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Which feels better:  “I have to do it” or “I choose to do it?”  Because I don’t have to do this 30 day challenge.  I don’t have to do most things in life.  I don’t have to eat healthy or pay my bills or be nice to people or clean the house or practice meditation.

Most of the time, I choose to do these things, or at least some of them. I’m choosing to do this 30 day challenge because I want to prioritize creativity in my day.  I’m choosing to keep at it because I want to see what happens.

If I think to myself, “Ugh.  I have to go draw right now because I said I would” it feels like a chore.  Like an imposition from some external place.  Like following a diet or an organization plan.  Like it’s not my choice.

But if I think to myself, “Yay!  I’m taking care of myself by prioritizing my creativity and playing with colors and paper and seeing what happens!  I can’t wait!” – now that feels much better.

I can believe either thought.  They both go with the circumstance of taking on a 30 day challenge.  I’m picking the second one.  And check out what I can do when I give myself 30 minutes of play with paper!

I was inspired by this artist’s work that I cut out and put in a notebook years ago.  I think I’m going to do something similar with my picture of two cardinals that I copied out of Peterson’s bird book.  Lately I’m into copying (not tracing – just copying to get the main gist) from something already two-dimensional.  That’s what feels fun.

Now I’m excited about playing with this drawing some more tomorrow and making it all whimsical and dreamlike!

And here’s a view from my grass time spot.  These little Mexican petunias look a little like crinkly tissue paper after all the rain.

30 Day Challenge: Day 6 – Disaster?

14 Saturday Jul 2012

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I don’t know about you, but I’m so good about creating a bunch of rules, following them for a few days, breaking them and then feeling crappy.  I think this is how most diets go, no?  Or any kind of resolution?

I am so very determined to approach this whole thing differently this time.

I have to admit my ulterior motives.  I’m letting myself draw daily because I secretly want to have it make me more productive in other ways.  I guess this would be the same as someone saying daily affirmations, but what they really want is for that to help them lose weight.

So today, I drew.  I had my grass time.  I even cleaned under the sink, dusted and attended to my paper piles (which are pretty much non-existent because I deal with them every day- yay!)  And I made a cake.  Vegan.  From scratch.  (I am not a vegan, not even a vegetarian, but I was curious so gave it a shot.  Not bad!)  So my inner critic should be happily checking off the list, giving me gold stars, waving her pompoms around – something!

Instead, I’m thinking about how an unscheduled day where I had grand plans to work on some bigger projects (those ones I keep avoiding) slipped away.  I did take some turtle steps and I may do a little more later, but still – I can feel my body reacting with tension from my mind’s thoughts about how I didn’t do enough.

And that’s what’s made this type of challenge unsustainable for me in the past.  Doesn’t matter what I do, my mind gets disappointed, pointing out all the other stuff that didn’t get done.

So I’m just listening to my body.  Feeling it protest  –  agreeing with it. “Yes, this tight jaw is going to make this thing unsustainable… I understand…let’s go lay down and just breathe and relax for five minutes. I know – just ignore the mind – five minutes isn’t going to make or break anything.  Body, you get to call the shots. I’m listening more this time.”

It would so help if today’s drawing remotely resembled the original photo.

Photo:

Drawing:

Don’t judge – believe me – I have already noted every single thing that isn’t working!  I’m not trying to make a living as an artist – I’m just trying to let myself play, and drawing and coloring and playing around with trying to match the colors was fun, even if the outcome wasn’t so fabulous.

Here’s the very best part that I’ve saved for last.  These little guys keep showing up to remind me to SLOW DOWN!!  Take a breath for goodness sake!  I saw a dozen of them in about a two foot area during post-rain grass time today!

So no, today was not a disaster.  I have homemade vegan cake for goodness sake!  And tofu cream to put on top (frosting alternative- jury’s still out).  And I am breathing.  And I am grateful and lucky!

30 Day Challenge- Day 5: gratitude

13 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by in 30 Day Challenge, gratitude, making change, managing time

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No drawings to share today.  I did draw, and I’m still enjoying it, but the current drawing’s in process and possibly a bit disastrous.  No worries- disastrous or not, it’s soothing.  I put on Pandora to a nice calming station with a lot of Enya and Brian Eno and Hillary Stagg and Andreas Vollenweider, I set the timer and I draw.  I’m happy that I gave myself that gift again today, and I’m a little in awe that I’m going to continue to do that for twenty-five more days!

I’m still enjoying grass time.  I had a bunch of meetings and calls this morning, so grass time happened in the late afternoon during a sun shower.  Glorious.  My sweetheart surprised me and snapped this pic- sadly, you can’t see the light rain.

If you’ve missed it and want to know more about why grass time is so important to me, check out this recent post.

Part of my grass time routine is to read a an entry a day from Simple Abundance – and look what was included in today’s piece:

“Please steal time every day, if you cannot find it in any other way, to lie on the grass, or in a hammock, under a huge tree this lovely month… and relax.  What a tonic this is for the soul!  What a rest for weary nerves!… The greatest need today is for calmer homes…” This was written by Nell B. Nichols way back in 1924.  Wow – still holds true today, don’t you think?

I’m still reading Martha Beck’s Four Day Win and applying it to my days – thus the decision to gift myself with creative play for my 30 day challenge instead of making another rule about managing my time – I have to believe that I will really give myself time to enjoy daily play before I ever get my head out of the “famine brain” concept of getting things done.

And it’s working!  Here’s an example.  Normally I put off going to the post office or bank for as long as possible. I’ve been known to show up at the bank with a month and a half of checks.  And these are deposits!  Crazy, I know!  I don’t know why my nutty brain associates errands with some kind of apocalypse – as if it’s going to take more than ten minutes to go to the bank.  Or even the post office!  My mind can start acting as if I’m about to plan an Everest expedition.

Now, since I’m giving myself time to enjoy what I love – to play at drawing with no agenda other than play – I’m filling my emotional coffers with self-compassion and self-love.  And don’t ask me why this works, but from that brain state it’s so much easier to get things done!  And this strategy holds true for weight loss.  Losing weight from a place of lack and punishment doesn’t work well in the long run, and managing tasks and time from a place of lack and a screwy belief that there’s not enough time to get things done and do what you love – that doesn’t work either.

Martha Beck writes, “The opposite of fat is love.”  And I’ll add, “The opposite of clutter and time disorganization is love.”  Martha encourages us to focus on appreciation and gratitude, and watch how it improves our health and well-being, and surprisingly, leads to leaner bodies and more organized homes!

I positively glowed with gratitude today.  I had lovely emails from friends, and some cheering on from a fellow coach. I sat in the grass in a sun shower, and the cat even joined me at the end.  I worked on my business and played.  I was practically floating from all the gratitude on my errands to the post office and bank, and I could feel that lightness spreading to the people around me.  And here’s the cherry on top:  I got an unexpected check in the mail today – from my health insurance company of all places!  Close to $100!  And it’s in the bank, not kicking around in a ten inch high pile of paper clutter!  That’s a lot to be grateful for.

If you’re struggling with something you’re trying to change or improve in your life, see what happens when you make gratitude a daily practice.  Write down what you’re grateful for and why.  See if it starts to make you feel better, lighter, more able to make the change you want to make.  And if you’ve played with gratitude lists in the past but slacked off recently, today is a great day to begin again.  I’d love to hear about your experiences with making gratitude a regular habit!

And here’s one last thing to be grateful for:  purple coneflowers blooming!