Category Archives: thoughts

The time management anti-diet

02 Monday Jul 2012

Posted by in managing time, thoughts

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Ok.  Here’s what I’ve decided.  I have a somewhat complex relationship with time similar to some people’s somewhat complex relationship with food.  I’ve managed to deal with it for the most part and make it look pretty good from the outside, similar to how someone might diet themselves into submission but always worry about a relapse or how someone might binge and binge on junk food and then feel terrible, shameful and yucky afterward, even if it doesn’t affect their actual weight, either because they don’t do it very often or because there’s purging involved too. This is not to make light of anyone’s difficulties with food, or to say that I’m experiencing the same thing as someone with those difficulties.  However I do believe there are similarities, and that they’re both serious issues that can get in the way of living our best lives.  So I’m going to step out into the open and talk about it – and see what happens when I shed a little light on something that I think is a big challenge for many.

Just like overweight people know that all they need to do is eat less and move more, I know that all I need to do is use my time wisely and take care of my stuff.  Duh.  Easy.  So if it were that simple we wouldn’t have an obesity epidemic. And we wouldn’t have television shows like hoarders, and there would never be a giant pile of papers about ten inches high on my desk.

I’ve determined that it’s time to take a new approach to my time and organization.  I’m going to use the science behind my thoughts and behaviors to change my relationship with my time and my stuff.  I’m using Martha Beck’s book, The Four Day Win, as a guide.  Even though it’s written for weight loss, I’m figuring out that it’s all the same stuff.  Let me explain.

Martha says what happens when you put yourself on a diet is that you end up with “famine brain”.  All you think about is food and you are suddenly hungrier than ever, and your body, now that it’s received signals from your brain that all the food is being reduced, does everything it can to conserve energy and hang onto every molecule of fat just in case you never eat again.

Similarly, when I try to “finally get fully organized and manage my time like a grown up”, my mind starts freaking out with cries of, “There’s not enough time!”  Which then causes my body to immediately want to give up and go to sleep. It’s truly fascinating.

So today was the first day of a new approach, which includes the “actual dealing with time and stuff” part, similar to “actually eating less and moving more”.  I’m spending ten minutes per day on paper piles of any type – they’re actually not too bad right now because I’ve been working on them in this way for months.  So I’m sort of at the spot that someone might be who is looking to shed the last 15 pounds to get to their most natural, “feel good” weight. I’m looking to shift my attitude toward time and stuff in a way that will “feel good” forever.

My reward for doing ten minutes on my paper piles is a sticker.  Yep.  That’s all I need.  I love to put a sticker on my calendar!  After four days, I get a bigger reward, which is 30 minutes of doing absolutely whatever I feel like doing, ideally a creative something that I keep putting off, but I’m going to wait and see about that part.

Most importantly, the other thing I’m doing for the next four days (I get a sticker for this as well) is observing my “time famine” brain.  Observing and watching and learning.  Getting really curious about what my brain has to say.  Today, knowing that this was the first day of a new approach to time, I slept in. Not part of the plan!  Thanks, brain!  Quite a bit later I felt panicky when I looked at the clock and it was already 1 p.m.  My mind was screeching, “NOT ENOUGH TIME!!! AAAAAHHH!!!”  Which led to my body responding with, “Give up! GO TO SLEEP!” I just observed nonchalantly.  And did my work.  And hosted an incredibly beautiful moonlit wordless walk tonight. More on that, and time, and turtles, tomorrow.  Yay!

 

Too early, too late, too soon, not soon enough

25 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by in managing time, thoughts

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Buster doesn’t concern himself with issues of too soon or too late. He just naps whenever.

Someone emails you a question, and you read it and know the answer.  You could email them back right away and tell them.  Or your mind might get in the way.  “You’re not even supposed to be checking email right now!”  “They’ll think you’re not busy, just hanging out on your computer if you respond right away!”  “It’s 9 p.m. on a Friday night – what will people think if you respond to an email now?  They’ll think you don’t have a fun social life!”  Oh, Mind, you are so very funny.

Or let’s switch to blogging.  You have an idea, some cool photos, a basic plan of what to write.  But then your mind pipes in.  “It’s too early to write – let’s do some other stuff.”  Or, “It’s too late – we’ll do it tomorrow when we’re fresh.” Or “That post would make more sense on a Friday and it’s only Thursday.”  Or “Those photos are from an event last week – who wants to read about that now!  Too late!”

Your somewhat nutty but well-meaning mind has you putting things off, waiting because it’s too soon, and then abandoning because – Oh! Now it’s too late.

Guess what?  None of it is true.  And it really gets in the way of getting valuable stuff done.

So want a real life example?  (I only know this stuff because my mind has its nutty moments!)  Way back in April, an extraordinary fellow blogger named Jackie featured me in a beautiful Shine post on her site.  And I never really told anyone about it!  Why?  Because of my mind.  First it seemed too soon.  Then I was busy, then I was out of town, then I was out of town again, then it seemed too late.

If this ever happens to you, tell your mind to shhhhh… and do the thing.  It’s not too soon. To write your memoirs.  To dust under the bed, even if you did it last week.  To call your mom.  To try that business idea.  Or if you don’t do it and your mind says it’s too late, again tell your mind hush.  It’s not too late.  To send the thank you note.  To organize your finances.  To plan that vacation you’ve been dreaming of. To start taking care of your body.

So, without further ado, here’s the link to a Q&A session with Jackie – I loved her questions and loved doing this interview!  Perhaps reading this link is exactly what you need today, and that’s why I’m posting it, two months later in June.  That’s what I’m believing tonight.  Thanks again, Jackie for the insightful questions!

The power of story, and an intervention by angels…

21 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by in angels, gratitude, story, thoughts

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Cadillac Ranch. A cool roadside attraction on our trip west.

Within the first couple hours of our road trip to Colorado earlier this month, we lost a wallet.  Not fun, right?  Here’s what happened.  We stopped at a convenience store just over an hour away from home to grab some soda and juice.  My sweetheart started to give me his wallet to pay, and I said, no – it’s ok – I have mine.

We kept driving.  To Alexandria, Louisiana.  Now about four and a half hours from home.  And we got to the hotel, and my sweetheart said, “Honey, what did you do with my wallet?”  Oh.  No.  My stomach dropped.  Had he handed me his wallet while he went to the bathroom?  What did I do with it?  Did I leave it on the counter? We searched high and low.  In every possible nook and cranny in the car.  We didn’t find it.  It was 10 p.m.

Ok, so I asked myself, what’s perfect about this?  (Very hard in a situation like this, believe me.)  I always start with, “We’re ok.”  Then, “There wasn’t that much money in it.”, Then, “Only one credit card to cancel.”  We got on the phone and took care of that.

Then there was the matter of the driver’s license.  And here the angels intervened.  1. We were still in Louisiana.  2.  We had internet and a laptop to easily search for Motor Vehicle offices.  3.  The office in Alexandria was literally less than a five-minute drive from our hotel! Can’t you hear the angelic choirs singing??

We went there the next day, first thing.  And there wasn’t much of a wait.  (Go, angels!) And they renewed my sweetheart’s license so he won’t have to wait in line in a couple of months in New Orleans.  And then it was done and we were on our way.

“Ok”, you say.  “I get it. Angels intervened. But what about the power of story? Why is that in the title?”  Well, a couple of reasons.  We could have used a lot of energy telling a really different story about this.  About how awful it was.  About how we couldn’t believe that no one had turned in the wallet (we did call the convenience store – amazing that we were able to remember which one and find its number online!) About all the money we’d lost.  About the hassle of changing online accounts to new credit card numbers.  About how stupid I was for leaving the wallet on the counter, or wherever I’d left it.  We could have seen it as a “bad omen” for our whole trip.

But we didn’t.  We had a fantastic trip.  We didn’t even think about it much except that my sweetie had to ask me for my credit card when we’d stop for gas.

And then we came home.  And you will never guess what was on my sweetheart’s desk. Did you guess? You’re right! His wallet.  Because he’d never brought it in the first place. He’d only offered to pay.  He had never actually handed me his wallet!  We’d completely fabricated that part of the story!

And here’s where the angels actually intervened.  What if we had realized we didn’t have the wallet at the convenience store- one hour away from home?  We would have probably driven back to get it, which would have taken more than twice as long as what we ended up doing.  And it would have been a very un-fun two hours.  In traffic.

I make up stories all the time – I create motives, fabricate background information, and selectively remember facts.  And I just finished a book, a rather dark book, but an incredible story that illustrates this so well.  It’s called The Sense of An Ending, by Julian Barnes.  It’s a short, engaging novel that so clearly illustrates the power of story to affect real lives.  You’ll think you know what’s happening right up until the end – I won’t spoil it.

So, what stories are you telling yourself these days about the circumstances around you?  Do you have a good example of how you turned around what seemed like crummy circumstances into a better story?  Are you noticing the intervention of angels/the universe/luck, or whatever you want to call it, in your life?  I’d love to hear!  Email me at carla@livingwildandprecious.com or share your story in the comments below.

No more waiting for normal

08 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by in gratitude, managing time, thoughts

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A very un-normal anniversary breakfast – definitely special!

Have you ever said to yourself, “I’ll get to that when things get back to normal.  They’re just so crazy right now!”  Do you wonder when you’re going to have a “normal” day where you can accomplish all those tasks and routines that never seem to get done because of some unusual or unexpected event that pops up?  Do you get frustrated because your vision for daily life isn’t the way you actually live?

Recently, in a coaching mastery class, I was encouraged to “claim business hours.”  This makes a ton of sense, as those of us who are entrepreneurs can find ourselves working all hours of the day and night, leading to exhaustion and burnout if we’re not careful.  My master coach confessed to texting in the tub back in the days before she claimed her own business hours.

Well,  all I can say is I’m working on it.  This is harder than I thought!  And the reason I’m finding is that I never seem to have a “normal” day where I can stick to a set routine.  Our car breaks down and we need to buy another one.  And then I need to go back to the dealership to handle paperwork, pick up the license plate, etc.  Or it’s Jazz Festival and we have house guests.  Or it’s Mardi Gras and we have house guests, not to mention parades! Or a friend experiences a sudden loss.  Or someone gets sick. Or I need to do taxes. Or I’m going out of town.  Or the moon is full and I take our visitors out to the swamp for an impromptu moonlit wordless walk.

So I’ve given up on normal.  I’m not sure that “normal” days exist!  And instead of worrying about it, I’m just embracing each day as special.  I can still set general goals, make sure I’m not working all the time and have a basic idea of what I’d like to accomplish.  Then when I inevitably move things around and do everything in a completely different order than I’d envisioned, with new activities tossed in and other tasks abandoned, I can remember that all is well. And it doesn’t make sense to wait for “normal” to prioritize what’s most important to me. Normal’s never going to come. Instead, it’s another unique, special day, in a very happily un-normal life.

What about you?  Does your “real life” match your vision of “normal life”?  Do you get frustrated with surprises and interruptions or adapt to them?  Do you prefer strict routines or just a basic framework?  What makes your days special?  How do you embrace the unexpected?  Please feel free to share your stories, thoughts and tips in the comments – I’d love to hear from you!

Tackling tricky to-dos

10 Saturday Mar 2012

Posted by in managing time, thoughts

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Buster keeps his to-do list short.

Do you ever have something on your to-do list that you really want to do – deep in your heart you want to do it – you just know you do – yet day after day it doesn’t get done?  Something you value.  Something you know will make you feel great once it’s done.  Something that will benefit you, or someone else. Something that will make your heart feel warm and glow-y.

What the heck?  Why does it sit there, day after day? This task or project – this call to make, this card to send, this blog post to write (ahem!), this creative fun thing you’ve been dreaming of for weeks – why does it remain on your list – undone, un-checked-off?

Why would you not do it when you really want to?  What’s happening?

Well, perhaps you’ve made it so important in your mind that you’ve made it difficult to start and finish.  Or maybe it’s a task with too many steps – pick the right card, find a stamp, find the address, say the meaningful thing from your heart that you want to say (will you be able to express the contents of your heart clearly enough?), get it out to mail. . .  so it stays undone.

Or maybe it’s so easy you keep thinking you’ll do it later – it won’t take long to make that call, write that blog post – but then you wait and  it’s the wrong time in the zone you’re calling – it’s too early/too late, too close to tomorrow (as in midnight) – so you put it off one more day.

Maybe you finally do it.  And it FEELS SO GOOD to get it done.

So you ask yourself, “Why??  Why can’t I remember how fantastic it feels next time this situation happens? Why will I find myself in the exact same boat– at midnight, looking at a list of happy little tasks, none of which are that complicated, and none of which I did today? Why does my mind toss out the ‘doing it later will be fine’ line?  Why do I fall for it every time?  How do I ever change?

Hmm.  I can think of a couple of possibilities.

1. Recognize when your mind is lulling you into avoidance.  And when it does, really listen.  Sometimes your mind is making a solid point.  Sometimes you’ve really loaded up your list – sure they’re all cute little lovely tasks, but there are thirty of them!  Come on!  No wonder your mind is encouraging you to take a nap!

2. If it’s not because your to do list is overloaded (but I bet that’s the reason, I’m just saying) then picture how it’s going to feel when the task is done.  Put yourself there, in that brief Nirvana of glowy-heart-ness.  Then set your timer for five minutes and start.  Find the stamp, the address, the card.  Sit down to write.  By the time five minutes are up, you’ll be riding the momentum of doing.  You’ll easily finish the job now.  Congratulate yourself!  Pat yourself on the back!  And promise that you’ll give yourself no more than three other happy little to-do tasks today.  Not thirty.  After all, there’s have-to do things too – like taxes, job emails, whatever.  They gotta get done too – and if you’re also avoiding them, well– we’ll deal with that in another post!

Now go sit in the grass in the sunshine for a little while.  Buster would approve of that being on your to-do list…